Cyclical

Cyclical 

By Samantha Brown

Can’t sleep
Won’t retreat
No such thing as defeat
Careful now, dear, be mindful of what you eat
Doc says avoid excessive sugar and caffeine
Do they know about the lead weights dragging at my feet?
Struggling through each step
My bones brittle with the small slices of bravado it takes to get through the day.
Shouldn’t there be another way?
Any other way?
ANY OTHER FUCKING WAY?
Bombs bursting in my brain
Neuroses on repeat.
Curdled confidences settle in my belly,
Expelled in foul fumes.
She sharpens her claws
Packs a knockout punch
Blood clouds my eyes
Or are those tears?
Ever present fears pressing on my mind
Rage ravages each and every nerve until I’m blind.
I cower in corners and crevasses
Surely, if I run myself ragged
Drag myself through the seconds,
minutes,
hours,
days,
weeks,
months of hell
I’ll outsmart her once and for all.
Delude myself well and drug myself dainty
Mother,
brother,
son,
sister,
others simply nod silently.
Oh, honey, here’s some tea
Get dressed
Go for a run
Sit out in the sun
Put on a smile
Have some fun
It’s just a little pesky PMS, don’t you see?

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