By Alexandra Soulmama Sandbäck
Finally, my regular doctor and I realized that it was linked to my cycle and that it was in fact PMDD. I was diagnosed.
But after that I have been going to OBGYNs and have heard the same thing over and over from these ‘experts:’
“It’s just PMS. Everyone has it.
You should take anti-depressants.”
I’ve been saddened by this, over and over. But I know my body, I know my strength, and I know my rights as a human being to be validated, and that this is a clinical condition, diagnosed and real.
Please, stay strong, and fight for your right to your own diagnosis. But don’t let it control you – accept and forgive.
. . .
My partner took this photo, and several others, of me after a walk in a snowy forest, when we landed in a small wooden cabin. It was a beautiful setting and I just had to get naked to get the full self-love experience from that day of tough and dark feelings. I was more or less freezing my ass off, but there were some lovely photos taken, with love handles, and cellulite, and all those curves. And when I got down from the bench I was posing on he embraced me and said: “You’re so brave”
When I’m having my worst days of PMDD and everything seems hopeless and dark, I do one or more of these three things. This photo represents a day when I managed to do all three – a glorious day in the midst of sadness.
1. Going out in nature. Moving my body. Feeling that it still has strength, that it still carries me. That I am one with everything around me.
2. Taking self-portraits, preferably nude. When I am in my most vicious self-hatred state of mind, I try to force myself into a small photoshoot so I can process what my body looks like, and find even one photo where I feel I look beautiful – and try to totally embrace that feeling.
3. Staying close to loved ones. This is not afforded to everyone at every time, but I am lucky to have a partner who tries his best to understand me. And although I wish to just shut everything out and lay on the couch I do my best to find comfort in him. Explaining to him, if necessary, what is going on, and being brave enough to ask for what I need most – LOVE.
. . .
About the Warrior
Alexandra Soulmama Sandbäck
You can find me at www.soulmamaarts.com and www.facebook.com/soulmamaarts, as well as @soulmamaarts on Instagram.
